Cartman Meets Shere Khan
by ROSSELLA1
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Spoilers for Jungle Book 2.


Cartman Meets Shere Khan

By ROSSELLA1

Note: I do not own South Park, the Jungle Books, the Jungle Book 1, the Jungle Book 2, Jungle Cubs, or any of their characters. Oh, and any spelling mistakes are intentional.

"Ngh… I hate this fucking jungle…" Cartman grumbled as he tripped over a root of a banyan tree. The others just kept walking. "Hey, you assholes! Wait up!" He ran ahead to keep up.

"Fuck off, Cartman!" Kyle snapped. "It's your fault we're in this mess!"

"Nah-ah!" Cartman puffed. "It's your fault."

"What?" Stan exclaimed. "You're the one who told us we had to get a plane to India to get to the Indian restaurant!"

"Well it makes sense!" Cartman whined. "I mean, you want Italian food, you need to go to Italy, right? You want Indian food, you need to go to India."  
>"Uh-uh, 'ou ahn ahan 'ood 'ou mf oo 'ida 'uh."<p>

"Really?" Cartman asked, looking at Kenny, who nodded. "Damn it! Well, it's still you guyses' fault because…well, because you guys believed me!"

"What?" Kyle snapped. "That doesn't make it our fault you-"

"Look!" Stan interrupted, pushing yet another branch out of his way. "There's a building up ahead!" He pointed to a big stone building and they all rushed forward. "Awww, damn!" He cursed as he got to the edge of the cliff first. "It's abandoned!"

"Well… maybe there'll be a phone or something." Kyle tried.

"Dude, I don't know it looks kind of old." Stan said doubtfully.

"Yeah, it'd probably only have one of those telegraph thingies." Cartman added.

"Mff in' mve 'eleafs 'mn!" Kenny laughed.

"They didn't?" Cartman asked. "Fuck!"

"Look, we should just try it in case." Kyle said.

"Yeah, but how do we get across?" Stan asked. They looked at the pit of lava in front of them.

"Hey!" Kyle pointed to their left. "There's something moving over there. Maybe it's a person!" They dashed over then skidded to a stop as they saw what it was. A soot covered tiger was pulling himself up onto the ledge.

"Oh Shit!" Stan cried. "A tiger!"

The tiger looked up at them. "Yes, man cubs. You may not be the ones I was hoping for but now you will feel the wrath of Shere Khan!"

"Yeah, and it talks!" Kyle seconded.

"Of course I talk, man cubs." Shere Khan chuckled. "Why on Earth would I not?"

"Well…" Stan said exchanging looks with Kyle. "You're an animal…"

"Animals don't talk." Kyle added.

"I assure you we do." Shere Khan sighed. "Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. Now, I'll give you till the count of-"

"Wait, how come you speak English?" Stan asked.

"Yeah, dude. We're in India."Kyle pointed out.

Shere Khan stared at them, then growled. "I don't have time for this! Now run so I can catch and kill you!"

"Wait!" Cartman shouted. "Just eat Kyle!"

"No!" Kyle snapped. "Eat Cartman! He's the biggest!"

"Or Kenny." Stan said, "He'll just come back."

"MFF!"Kenny glared at him.

"I'm not going to eat any of you!" Khan snarled. "I am going to kill you!"

"Oh." Stan answered.

"Now, I will give you all to the count of three. One-"

"Dude, I think we should run!" Kyle said.

"Two-"

"Yeah!" Stan answered.

"Mfff!" Kenny agreed and the three took off running back into the trees.

"Ha!" Cartman smirked, picking up a stick. "Pussies…"

"Three!" Shere Khan whirled around, roaring with his claws unsheathed.

"Bad kitty!" Cartman exclaimed moving to the side and smacking the tiger on the head as he went past.

"Rrow!" Shere Khan exclaimed in pain, and swatted and turned around to charge again.

While he was turning, Cartman took the opportunity to hit him again. "I _said, _bad kitty! That's a bad Mr. Tiger!" He bonked Shere Khan on the nose.

"Stop it, you infuriating-arrgh!" Shere Khan growled as Cartman landed another swipe, this one on the tiger's side, forcing Shere Khan back towards the precipice.

Khan gave one last swat at Cartman and then turned to the side to try and get away from the cliff. But this move coincided with another smack of the stick and Shere Khan stumbled backwards, his rear legs going over the cliff. He clawed at the cliff to try to regain his balance, but before he could do so, Cartman used all his strength to hit the tiger over the head three times with the stick. Shere Khan's paws slipped and a moment later there was a loud thud.

Cartman waited and then crept forward to the edge of the precipice. Peering down, he saw the tiger lying still on a huge, stone, cage-like dragon-head. Smirking, he stood back up and turned towards the jungle. "Hey! You guys!" Cartman sang. "I killed a tiger and you didn't! That means I'm awesome and you're lame!"


End file.
